My plan was to write all day but I am in 'waiting' mode and there is only so much darkness I have allowed for in this book. More than a page and half and this will be not what I wanted. And I don't want that. Ross Porter is on in the background. He is wrapping up his Saturday morning show and playing some great stuff. Jeff Beck right now and the music is a perfect fit with my mood. Virginia Woolf, Tennessee Williams and even Shakespeare's 'Lady Macbeth' managed to find their way into my words. 'Solutions' are not just for stories and dark, dark, dark is where I was at. The book called for it and I cannot get ahead of myself in the narrative arc. Like I said, waiting. The timing and events are out of my hands and that is the danger when trying to inject a bit of truth by the way of reality and present-tense. I feel like a sadist or vulture.
The music this second sounds like a set-up for this afternoon's Spanish romp and I usually will take advantage of the extended cable package here and tune in to channel 746 for commercial-free Jazz Masters before that happens. Although without the Spanish program I would never have come up with 'La Paloma' in the Dee trilogy ( I cheat. I can't remember if it was 'Dancing Bears' or 'Harem Scarem'. ( I cheat yet again having to look up the name of the latter.) That is the beauty of having a trilogy to fall back on; sweeping generalizations unless you feel obligated like I do now to reveal the lies.) 'La Paloma' or 'The Dove' I had described as the most popular piece of music in the world with a 140 year history. The meaning is reserved for my fiction, buy the series. Oh that's right, it's not published yet. In that case send me a note, I'll send it to you; I am in the mood for requests. (Music must change right now). 746 is now playing.
I am hot or cold and have been cycling back and forth for two days at least, which is it's own madness. I was thinking about Ann earlier this morning. It's gone now but I thought I would mention it. Hi Ann. I just drank what was left of my Red Bull.
Killing time is a sport in North America. In the Middle East it means something else.
In British Columbia they are electing a new premier today. That is to say a new liberal leader. The liberals are the sitting government. Campbell has resigned and has to be replaced. A general election may or not follow. The only opposition really is the NDP and they are a mess themselves. Their leader was also overthrown. I don't think they have selected a new leader yet. Only in B.C. can a liberal mean a conservative. The conservatives do not even exist. Think about that.
When I was living on the coast the first time, I was moved to consider my own political beliefs while the NDP were governing. (Before I forget, thank you Glen Clark; without you there would have been no 'Heart Failure' and as a consequence 'Slingshot' would not have happened either.) B.C. is too far away for Quebec to matter and my idea was to run as the 'Separatist' candidate with the platform to give Quebec what it wanted. If I had been a bit more serious and given the idea more thought and energy, I am sure I could have been elected in Vancouver's 'Quadra' riding to sit, more or less, as an Independent in the B.C. legislature. I was popular enough to reasonably think I could have pulled it off. Hi Sharon.
In a few hours the patio will be busy (jammed) at Rossini's. Saturdays are the Jazz Jam at 4PM and the place is packed. Drinks and sex for all ages. I think the one-night stand was invented there ( I almost wrote 'here' :-). It doesn't take much to climb back into that space suit.) Back to my story; casual sex and we all loved Rossini's for it. The joint would rock. Musicians, artists and regulars gather at the back door smoking pot. The party breaks up at around 8 or 9 and the next crowd starts rolling in about 10. Regularly I would close the place at 2 in the morning and a few of us would hang out after the doors were closed until 3 when we would go back to Harald's and Peter's place and drink on their deck overlooking the city and False Creek and English Bay until 4:30. I was married, no surprise, not anymore.
Their deck was priceless. The flat was a shit hole but the view was stunning and the deck was big. During the summer fireworks season there would be at least 50 of us each night. Drunk or stoned and ready to explode just like the night sky. Those nights also went well into the morning. Then we would brunch on Yew Street, happy to be alive and able to call this home. Vancouver is one of those cities where living there doesn't make sense if you do not live by the ocean. The beaches are a must-have and you hardly ever forgot how lucky you were. In truth without a view Vancouver and life do not add up and the internal conflict is something you try your best to ignore. During the winter months, when it is almost always raining, it is hard to hide it.
Amongst the many things I miss are stories like this one. Spring is easier to identify in Toronto than Vancouver. Anytime after January can be pretty great there. Usually the temperatures have climbed above the 10 degree mark and the flowers are blooming. Everything is so green because of the rain and there are many many shades of green. I remember walking home from the bus stop after work one night and having been raining for some days, the sun came out for a couple of hours late in the day. Say 4:30 to 6:30. I stopped to pick up a coffee on Davie Street to take home and coming back out onto the street I noticed people were smiling. There was no mistake, we were all happy for the same reason. My spirit soared and that it would be gone again shortly and most probably for a few days, didn't matter. The sun was shining right now and it was glorious. I miss that. It is in that way that as a population, we were all more sensitive to nature. We were constantly aware of it. The mountains also helped shape our respect. We thought about things like the size of our carbon footprint. Trees were important. God at all his best is non-religious and God was everywhere. Also why there are many spiritualists out there. Sex just made sense. Love was sharing.
Yeah that's a tough scorecard in Toronto. Ottawa in many ways is similar but it is so cold in the winter and only the summers are worse; the humidity would embarrass Toronto. In Ottawa's favour the people are intrinsically nicer and so many of the women are French. They spend their income on fashion and they are beautiful. Stunning really. That's one of the trades.
Suddenly I am better. Bored still but better. It must be my medication. Ah yes. I was thinking about Eugene O'Neill. That explains it.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Friday, February 25, 2011
'Steve McQueen' and 'Gaga'
It takes time for things to work themselves out. Days like this you have to wonder how long is too long which is a variation of The Smiths 'How Soon is Now'.
On a Sunday night in the last century I was in Niagara Falls or somewhere on the peninsula. I had just checked into my motel room (business meeting next morning) and sat at the desk trying to tune in CFNY and catch the end of the Top 100 songs of all time. The last time 'NY' did this 'Stairway to Heaven' won to the outrage of the jocks and us listeners. Their demographic was way different back then and the ballot system had betrayed them. We were all favorites of The Clash, New Order, Japan, Depeche Mode, The Cure...my list goes on. How could this happen? This time CFNY changed the parameters. We were hoping for a bit of justice to be served.
'Steve McQueen' was the British title for Prefab Sprout's 'Two Wheels Good' album and that was my general frame of mind. When they announced number one I cheered; The Smiths what could be better?
As an adult (you'll see) now (lol and all that) I am listening to more Jazz. The station I listen to is 91.1. Their rotation is not what I turned-on to out of Seattle but it is growing on me and I have found that I am learning about music again. This especially true of 'The Brad Barker' program in the afternoon. Mr. Barker is also the music director. I thought his name was familiar and did a bit of digging. 'The Pursuit of Happiness' no less. Who of that age will ever forget Moe Berg and (wait for it) "I am an Adult Now". The symmetry explodes before my eyes.
If you can, give it a listen. Jazz and 91.1 just might do it for you if you can put away the phone long enough. You might get lucky and he'll be playing some Miles Davis. 'So What' you ask. It will rip you a new one.
On a Sunday night in the last century I was in Niagara Falls or somewhere on the peninsula. I had just checked into my motel room (business meeting next morning) and sat at the desk trying to tune in CFNY and catch the end of the Top 100 songs of all time. The last time 'NY' did this 'Stairway to Heaven' won to the outrage of the jocks and us listeners. Their demographic was way different back then and the ballot system had betrayed them. We were all favorites of The Clash, New Order, Japan, Depeche Mode, The Cure...my list goes on. How could this happen? This time CFNY changed the parameters. We were hoping for a bit of justice to be served.
'Steve McQueen' was the British title for Prefab Sprout's 'Two Wheels Good' album and that was my general frame of mind. When they announced number one I cheered; The Smiths what could be better?
As an adult (you'll see) now (lol and all that) I am listening to more Jazz. The station I listen to is 91.1. Their rotation is not what I turned-on to out of Seattle but it is growing on me and I have found that I am learning about music again. This especially true of 'The Brad Barker' program in the afternoon. Mr. Barker is also the music director. I thought his name was familiar and did a bit of digging. 'The Pursuit of Happiness' no less. Who of that age will ever forget Moe Berg and (wait for it) "I am an Adult Now". The symmetry explodes before my eyes.
If you can, give it a listen. Jazz and 91.1 just might do it for you if you can put away the phone long enough. You might get lucky and he'll be playing some Miles Davis. 'So What' you ask. It will rip you a new one.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Lolita in Hollywood
My mind is all over the place today. All over. It has been a very long time since my head has ached from thinking with my heart and writing and communicating between research. Way beyond functioning and definitely high-level.
Last night 'Singles' was on and I caught enough to remind myself of 1992 Seattle and the head space of a generation born in 69. Amusing and sad.
I think Norway was some part of what this post was supposed to be but the emotion has gone out of it. 'Jo Nesbo' and 'Nemesis' is the book you want to pick up if Larsson's 'Girl' trilogy is an act you want another taste of. Not the same but more satisfying than Mankell and better than 'Indridason' unless Scandinavian angst is your fix. Norway how could this not make sense to me and what was I thinking? One thing leads to another and 'pop' Liv Ullmann. Born in 1938 there are still traces of her beauty in her face. What a talent.
Russia was also on my mind. Tangents again.
Last night 'Singles' was on and I caught enough to remind myself of 1992 Seattle and the head space of a generation born in 69. Amusing and sad.
I think Norway was some part of what this post was supposed to be but the emotion has gone out of it. 'Jo Nesbo' and 'Nemesis' is the book you want to pick up if Larsson's 'Girl' trilogy is an act you want another taste of. Not the same but more satisfying than Mankell and better than 'Indridason' unless Scandinavian angst is your fix. Norway how could this not make sense to me and what was I thinking? One thing leads to another and 'pop' Liv Ullmann. Born in 1938 there are still traces of her beauty in her face. What a talent.
Russia was also on my mind. Tangents again.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Sometimes a great notion
I laugh at myself. This book is going to be one of those that is suddenly finished. I am far from that point but today I began to recognize the signs and decided to go with it. Write until it says stop. If there is a story I will find it in rewrite. I just spent hours putting the psychiatric community on the rack. It's not fair they have no defense and after some time your arms just get tired from hitting them at will for so long. I admit it is fun for the first few minutes.
I think I discovered one of the truths that run through this octopus of a thing and that is 'conformity'. How we do until we don't. It won't run deep but it is there just like throwing stones at organized religion in 'Maacland' and 'Magick'. In fact it has been there all along and I just didn't see it, all the way back to 'Four and a Half Hours'. Which means it has to predate Tofino and really I had moved to Vancouver only weeks before that. The suggestion is obvious.
'Dancing Bears' was a revelatory work dealing with my father's death. Fiction, I masked it as my best friend in the story, which was huge in implication and inference all by itself; book three in a five book series. Only in the NPR interview did I realize it was also my post-mortem for Dale Sherritt, my real best friend, really dead. It was 'life is like that' and the interview remains my favorite. The symbolism and life never larger it was a fresh breeze and boy did it feel good. It felt great! I treat the 'Dee Trilogy' as a gratuitous indulgence to myself and not a literary achievement which gives me a wide berth for lavish selfish affection. It was also a love song for Sharon (you know it, I've told you, stop blushing and enough protest) and was as perfect as I will likely ever get.
This 'one' has the potential to approach the meaningfulness of 'that'. I doubt whether I will be able to bring the honest truth out, my father's failings as the ridiculous yardstick I hold as the measure of my own life but it is a story I should tell; maybe just not yet but this could well be the cat out of the bag. It didn't seem such a joke in my youth or my prime but now that many decisions have been made and the results known it is easier to allow myself the vanity of acknowledging how deeply it affected me and the price of being right is often never worth it. The way I just exhaled and paused to pat my knees tells me yes that is it. Now what do I do? Mother is alive and what does that say to her now too late for her to interpret with anything but pain. For what and to what end? This too has been a struggle.
I knew I was on the right path today when I nailed 'silent killer'. Not as advertised but another one and not the least bit different than 'What is man?' and 'Who am I?' The genre may be 'existential angst' and that is why the 'romance' handle may weigh so heavily. Yes it is. Believe it or not this has been another circle. If I am correct in my assessment of 'Magick' as a 'sixties' retrospective (I am) then this 'one' is too or at least in the same vein (yesterday's 'veins popping').
'Sometimes a Great Notion' was Ken Kesey's second novel published in 1964. His first, from 1962 was "one Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest'. Kesey described himself as the link between the 'Beat' generation and the 'Hippies'. 'Sometimes' has been voted number one on a list of the twelve essential Northwest works. I agree it is the quintessential work on the Northwest. That was my Tofino. Ken Kesey equals Tom Wolfe equals Jack Kerouac equals Timothy Leary equals everything I have written. 'Sometimes' is a 'never give an inch' story, union busting loggers in Oregon trying to make a buck and stay alive. The other day I posted something about 'nobility'; it is no accident, they all add up. The 'doll' part a stretch but not really and even 'Film Noir' hangs in the air.
Sometimes I am just in the zone.
I think I discovered one of the truths that run through this octopus of a thing and that is 'conformity'. How we do until we don't. It won't run deep but it is there just like throwing stones at organized religion in 'Maacland' and 'Magick'. In fact it has been there all along and I just didn't see it, all the way back to 'Four and a Half Hours'. Which means it has to predate Tofino and really I had moved to Vancouver only weeks before that. The suggestion is obvious.
'Dancing Bears' was a revelatory work dealing with my father's death. Fiction, I masked it as my best friend in the story, which was huge in implication and inference all by itself; book three in a five book series. Only in the NPR interview did I realize it was also my post-mortem for Dale Sherritt, my real best friend, really dead. It was 'life is like that' and the interview remains my favorite. The symbolism and life never larger it was a fresh breeze and boy did it feel good. It felt great! I treat the 'Dee Trilogy' as a gratuitous indulgence to myself and not a literary achievement which gives me a wide berth for lavish selfish affection. It was also a love song for Sharon (you know it, I've told you, stop blushing and enough protest) and was as perfect as I will likely ever get.
This 'one' has the potential to approach the meaningfulness of 'that'. I doubt whether I will be able to bring the honest truth out, my father's failings as the ridiculous yardstick I hold as the measure of my own life but it is a story I should tell; maybe just not yet but this could well be the cat out of the bag. It didn't seem such a joke in my youth or my prime but now that many decisions have been made and the results known it is easier to allow myself the vanity of acknowledging how deeply it affected me and the price of being right is often never worth it. The way I just exhaled and paused to pat my knees tells me yes that is it. Now what do I do? Mother is alive and what does that say to her now too late for her to interpret with anything but pain. For what and to what end? This too has been a struggle.
I knew I was on the right path today when I nailed 'silent killer'. Not as advertised but another one and not the least bit different than 'What is man?' and 'Who am I?' The genre may be 'existential angst' and that is why the 'romance' handle may weigh so heavily. Yes it is. Believe it or not this has been another circle. If I am correct in my assessment of 'Magick' as a 'sixties' retrospective (I am) then this 'one' is too or at least in the same vein (yesterday's 'veins popping').
'Sometimes a Great Notion' was Ken Kesey's second novel published in 1964. His first, from 1962 was "one Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest'. Kesey described himself as the link between the 'Beat' generation and the 'Hippies'. 'Sometimes' has been voted number one on a list of the twelve essential Northwest works. I agree it is the quintessential work on the Northwest. That was my Tofino. Ken Kesey equals Tom Wolfe equals Jack Kerouac equals Timothy Leary equals everything I have written. 'Sometimes' is a 'never give an inch' story, union busting loggers in Oregon trying to make a buck and stay alive. The other day I posted something about 'nobility'; it is no accident, they all add up. The 'doll' part a stretch but not really and even 'Film Noir' hangs in the air.
Sometimes I am just in the zone.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Film Noir
Just watch “Out of the Past,” starring Robert Mitchum and Jane Greer, and you’ll see. The only moments of true tenderness involve women lighting cigarettes for men and men lighting cigarettes for each other.
That excerpt is from today's 'editorial' section of 'The New York Times. It describes a genre that exists only in looking back. A time when film-making followed conventions of that day and for a while all said much the same thing. 'Men were men and women were dames' or broads, my favorite. Colour changed things but we later learned it didn't have to. 'China Town' reminded us and 'Pulp Fiction' was the modern mirror. 'Doll' is not popular and has not been for a very long time well before Uma's rendition and one of the reasons that film scores so highly with men. Although it is not my point I must formally nod to Dick Dale, his music is the perfect note to paint brash and arrogant strokes of testosterone. The article nailed me in my tracks and forced me to examine my own work and ask tough questions like what is 'noble' and is my life up to my standards. You see 'standards' are the thing. We develop them at a young age and they are not flexible. When our vision was crisp and intuitive we decided what the world was and how we would interface. I don't mean 'what are we going to be when we grow up' but rather 'who'. Yes I know 'conditioning' and 'product of society' thinking; I embrace the philosophy and always have. You cannot distance yourself from the life you were brought into but it is our response that defines us and we started to calibrate our interpretations at somewhere around nine years old. Not even a decade into our run and now we are well into the race. I've outgrown the 'who ever dies with the most toys wins' stage. That was not an outlook just an explanation for our consumerism. It is not a mad dash it is a marathon and 'Film Noir' captured the essence of our nature. That is why it is important that we do not let it die.
Anyhow that's how I chose to interpret the article. A lot of words to say what?
The Film Noir Foundation
That excerpt is from today's 'editorial' section of 'The New York Times. It describes a genre that exists only in looking back. A time when film-making followed conventions of that day and for a while all said much the same thing. 'Men were men and women were dames' or broads, my favorite. Colour changed things but we later learned it didn't have to. 'China Town' reminded us and 'Pulp Fiction' was the modern mirror. 'Doll' is not popular and has not been for a very long time well before Uma's rendition and one of the reasons that film scores so highly with men. Although it is not my point I must formally nod to Dick Dale, his music is the perfect note to paint brash and arrogant strokes of testosterone. The article nailed me in my tracks and forced me to examine my own work and ask tough questions like what is 'noble' and is my life up to my standards. You see 'standards' are the thing. We develop them at a young age and they are not flexible. When our vision was crisp and intuitive we decided what the world was and how we would interface. I don't mean 'what are we going to be when we grow up' but rather 'who'. Yes I know 'conditioning' and 'product of society' thinking; I embrace the philosophy and always have. You cannot distance yourself from the life you were brought into but it is our response that defines us and we started to calibrate our interpretations at somewhere around nine years old. Not even a decade into our run and now we are well into the race. I've outgrown the 'who ever dies with the most toys wins' stage. That was not an outlook just an explanation for our consumerism. It is not a mad dash it is a marathon and 'Film Noir' captured the essence of our nature. That is why it is important that we do not let it die.
Anyhow that's how I chose to interpret the article. A lot of words to say what?
The Film Noir Foundation
Friday, February 4, 2011
Karen Stintz
She is the new TTC Chair. Surely you've seen her on local news clips recently what with the TTC union agreement expiring March 31. I think she is great and watch, she is going to be a star. The is the best politician I have seen on the Ontario stage in the past six years. Mark my words.
Another example to my thread, started yesterday, about how my life is one connected dot after another is this (and I don't try to make this happen; it juts does).
Checking out what 'TCM' is showing over the next couple of days for it '30 days of Oscar' I noticed 'Mourning becomes Electra'. Not the first time I have ever heard of this film it has one of those titles that sticks to my skin like 'Electra Glide in Blue'; 'Electra' may be the key. But on this day the movie that was jogged in my memory bank was 'The Effect of Gamma Rays on Man-in-the-Moon Marigolds'. Another film from 1972 stored for it's title not it's content but I remember that it was disturbing. Research was needed.
"Mourning' an update of a Greek Tragedy and "Electra' a complex. Link, it is Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung. 'Freud', for the record (ask O'Neill or maybe Quinn), a pivotal discovery in my young academic life that changed the course of my life, forever.
Digging deeper I laughed while reading an account of 'Freud' opposite 'Electra'. 'Freud' had come professionally to label women as the second sex and cited most of his personal-professional experience with them as 'psychological degenerates'. If you know anything about 'Freud' this is a wildly interesting tag. One which would make me laugh.
Satisfied that I understood the Greek original I followed my original line of thinking to 'The Effects....' title and was surprised that Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward were involved and whose daughter was one of the stars, namely 'Nell Potts'. Where had I heard her name? More research and I find a historical link to 'Alice Waters'. Her I most definitely know and her restaurant 'Chez Panisse' in Berkley.
'Alice' is very good friends with 'Mikhail Baryshnikov' and together they were featured in one of 'Sundance's' 'Iconoclasts' segments. Sufficiently moved after having seen that original broadcast I wrote Sharon to share what she would also consider to be a perfect convergence of art forms. So struck by the story it told I pirated a few words from the interview and one of it's sub-story lines. Specifically the children's book about dance and the famous conclusion 'Because'. It was 'Because' that became my dedication page in 'Magick' and which I later I explained in detail in the NPR interview.
This was not a self-determined search. It was merely following tangential links in thinking made fast and easy with 'Wikipedia'. It was just like this that I 'got to' Holland and 'Maacland'. When seemingly you experience stuff like this every day it is difficult for me not to imagine them as signs and mileposts. When you are tripping over symbols it is impossible to resist the notion that your express purpose for being here, now, is to capture it in words and tell the story that apparently is begging you to write.
Within this context are 'leaps of faith', the kind where I sit down and begin to let the air out. Whatever it is, it is supposed to be and all I have to do is watch for the signs. I can guarantee you when this is finished you will recognize a little bit of what you are feeling but have not yet understood how to see.
It begins with Lisa.
Another example to my thread, started yesterday, about how my life is one connected dot after another is this (and I don't try to make this happen; it juts does).
Checking out what 'TCM' is showing over the next couple of days for it '30 days of Oscar' I noticed 'Mourning becomes Electra'. Not the first time I have ever heard of this film it has one of those titles that sticks to my skin like 'Electra Glide in Blue'; 'Electra' may be the key. But on this day the movie that was jogged in my memory bank was 'The Effect of Gamma Rays on Man-in-the-Moon Marigolds'. Another film from 1972 stored for it's title not it's content but I remember that it was disturbing. Research was needed.
"Mourning' an update of a Greek Tragedy and "Electra' a complex. Link, it is Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung. 'Freud', for the record (ask O'Neill or maybe Quinn), a pivotal discovery in my young academic life that changed the course of my life, forever.
Digging deeper I laughed while reading an account of 'Freud' opposite 'Electra'. 'Freud' had come professionally to label women as the second sex and cited most of his personal-professional experience with them as 'psychological degenerates'. If you know anything about 'Freud' this is a wildly interesting tag. One which would make me laugh.
Satisfied that I understood the Greek original I followed my original line of thinking to 'The Effects....' title and was surprised that Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward were involved and whose daughter was one of the stars, namely 'Nell Potts'. Where had I heard her name? More research and I find a historical link to 'Alice Waters'. Her I most definitely know and her restaurant 'Chez Panisse' in Berkley.
'Alice' is very good friends with 'Mikhail Baryshnikov' and together they were featured in one of 'Sundance's' 'Iconoclasts' segments. Sufficiently moved after having seen that original broadcast I wrote Sharon to share what she would also consider to be a perfect convergence of art forms. So struck by the story it told I pirated a few words from the interview and one of it's sub-story lines. Specifically the children's book about dance and the famous conclusion 'Because'. It was 'Because' that became my dedication page in 'Magick' and which I later I explained in detail in the NPR interview.
This was not a self-determined search. It was merely following tangential links in thinking made fast and easy with 'Wikipedia'. It was just like this that I 'got to' Holland and 'Maacland'. When seemingly you experience stuff like this every day it is difficult for me not to imagine them as signs and mileposts. When you are tripping over symbols it is impossible to resist the notion that your express purpose for being here, now, is to capture it in words and tell the story that apparently is begging you to write.
Within this context are 'leaps of faith', the kind where I sit down and begin to let the air out. Whatever it is, it is supposed to be and all I have to do is watch for the signs. I can guarantee you when this is finished you will recognize a little bit of what you are feeling but have not yet understood how to see.
It begins with Lisa.
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