That's how I feel since having watched the Golden Globes on Sunday. It made me laugh to myself while I considered my response; it is after all so stereotypical AND true.The problem was that until now Natalie was not on this list though that was my mistake more than anything else. By now I should have come to terms with the reality that most of the famous thespian set are scripted and without someone else's voice they have little much to say; at least in matters that affect any but themselves and their tiny orbit of real life. Note to self:, a muse is a muse is a muse. This is now number two on my list of 'Twenty-five things that I have learned'; number one and still by a long margin, "Jewish women never leave their husbands'. About that...
I recently read a movie critique that featured one of the most extraordinary observations in perhaps my last decade, namely, "...goal-oriented attitude of 'straight' sex..." There was insufficient context for me to determine if Sicinksi was intending procreation or simple orgasm though objectively it can only mean the former. However as much as it gave me a chuckle and a shazam moment his string of words gave me pause as I considered the zen of tantric sex. Whatever else can be made of that period in my life not enough emphasis can be placed on how 'now' that relationship was. We knew then and that's why there was so much early discussion on burning and infernos. It had a mind of it's own and it was all that we could do to simply hang on and enjoy it for as long as we could.
Sharon will grimace and I'm sorry but what we had in common was that we knew first hand the beauty and transient nature of true love. Interestingly we did not have it together but with some one else in a different time and very different places. Knowing that it doesn't last forever just that it exists at all was our secret and the source of our bond. From that point of connection all else became possible. A homegrown movie, the Art Gallery for a photograph collection, good wine, interesting beer, fashion and finally Europe. It seems logical that foreign film would continue to stimulate the sense of who we are; together and apart.
Realities of age removed most of the panic although the disparity between ourselves never did entirely melt away. Younger/Older not something that you can ever completely rationalize to both parties satisfaction but you can get close and at the stroke of midnight that it is that counts. One of you has to believe that you are selling out to something and that we both could get comfortable with our motives removed the essence of a hidden agenda. The mask is an important symbol and too often in life it becomes the definition of who we are whether we choose to admit it or not. The longer you wear it the more it becomes you.
During my rogue nights I would offer one or occasionally two zingers that I could, with some degree of confidence, be sure that it would prove too much to resist. One, men need to be with younger women because women are intrinsically more mature of the two species and the age gap is something to be respected as necessary for a mutually rewarding intellectual and emotional union. Two, I would introduce myself as a writer. When pressed for genre I would volunteer reluctantly that I was a poet. The hook nearly set, invariably the next question would reveal 'for children'. Most nights I could hardly stop myself from laughing and sometimes even this was allowed sinking the lure deeper. I think it is interesting that some of my most memorable nights as a bachelor came while I was married in Vancouver. An important distinction being that it was memorable because it was having fun with sexuality and not sex .
My second marriage was a business partnership in that it was predicated upon real estate and asset/wealth management.Of course that's not how it started but it is definitely how it ended and why it is was so easy to walk away from. In the final analysis money doesn't mean anything to me.
Vancouver allows you to see many versions of life through the same lens. Reality is subjective on the coast, like treating everyone with the same pill for wildly different symptoms and having better than fifty percent results. 'Marriage' is not the deal breaker out there; rings don't matter, happiness does.
Similar to Ottawa in that the ratio of women to men is in a man's favour by as much as four or five to one, odds are further exaggerated in Vancouver by the presence of a large gay population. If you lived in Kits, were straight and had a job nothing else mattered and everything was just a question of logistics. In an earlier age this spirit was characterized by 'Free, White and Single' and 'Free' was intended as 'Not a Slave' in much the same way I described 'Goal Oriented Straight Sex'.
The best counter argument I have ever been faced with is "if you leave your wife for me, you will eventually leave me too" but even this came after the fact. She had to think about it for a few days and when confronted in a matter of fact discussion I could only nod, not quite sure I agreed with the conclusion but unable to debate the math. It was a realization that neither of us wanted but now that it was said out loud there was no other option than to respect the logic and remain friends. That was Joanne; I was never serious but that was just a detail. What a girl and everyone agreed she was mine.
Recalling all of this I begin to understand how what is happening in Italy makes sense. You must not pay.
No comments:
Post a Comment